A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize