i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
