He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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