Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
