hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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