Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale