i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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