i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror