I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
