Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.