i already hear my dad disowning me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA