Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
worst night to have a conscience
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
