I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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