Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.

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(512): View more from Texas

They should make Jack Daniels chap stick

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(334): View more from Alabama

I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(507): View more from Minnesota

...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?

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(817): View more from Texas

I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.

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(386): View more from Florida

At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.

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(281): View more from Texas

...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.

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