i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My ATM looks so different sober.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING