I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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