then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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