You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
