Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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