Already got asked if we're dating
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
