You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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