Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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