Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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