Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
