the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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