yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
