I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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