We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I just went to clothing optional bar