Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
seriously i just wanna be friends
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.