like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.