You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
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For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?