jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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