Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
