If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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