you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
