wanna go halves on a baby?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
