Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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