Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
