Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
