I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
