As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
