She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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