I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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