Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
