I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
