I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
