Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
