I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
