Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
