what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
