eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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