Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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