you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
