no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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