im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
