Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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