I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
