awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
