A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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