The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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