Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Panties = found
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