So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
