She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
