What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
