she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
