Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
