eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i came on her dog
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
