So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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