Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
