I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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