God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
