I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
