i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
