I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
