I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize