please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
