do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
