Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
