Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
