On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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