I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
