It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
