you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
