Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize