I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
