We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
