He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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