so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
