I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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