dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
