i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sex in a hospital.. check
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
