he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
