just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
