and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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