I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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