i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
