I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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