also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
please don't ironically join a cult
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